Today was a GREAT day!

Today was a great day!  And after a somewhat rollercoaster week, I’m glad life is back on the upside.  And as I’m sitting here on my couch on a Friday night (completely content with life, I might add), I feel like I need to blog lol.

So like I said before, this week has been kinda crazy.  Well, the past 2 and a half weeks…  I got evaluated for the first time.  Nothing like being the only first year teacher and being evaluated first, and less than a month into school.  YIKES!  But it went well.  When my principal and I talked about it, he said that I was doing a great job, especially as a first year, and that he really enjoyed my lesson.  He even said that he learned a few things J  So I don’t think I’m in danger of being fired.   Not that I was worried.

Then last week was so hectic and crazy.  I’m playing in Kankakee for Oliver and it was tech week, which mean I was driving back and forth to Kankakee each night.  Ryan (if you by chance read this), I seriously do not know how you can make the drive back and forth every day!  And sometimes twice a day.  I did it for a week and couldn’t handle it.  Suuuuuch a boring drive.  So kudos to you!

Anyway, I FINALLY got my music for Grandparent’s day, so I’ve started working with the kids on that.  And it is going pretty well so far!  I think most of the kids are enjoying the music, and they are actually sounding pretty decent at it.  We still need to work on our SINGING and not yelling voices, but I’m proud of what they have done so far.  It should be a good concert.

And it’s been really nice having the teachers on my side, too.  I talked a few minutes with one of the teachers and he was SO glad and impressed that I was letting the younger kids sing two songs instead of just the one.  And I’ve been talking with the other teachers about the concert and getting them involved in various ways, too.  They all have been very supportive and seem really excited to see the final product.  And I am, too.

And to bring it full circle, today was a GREAT day.  I felt like a real teacher today.  My kindergarteners were FANTASTIC, I feel like my choir has made some really great progress, and my sixth graders were pretty decent today as well.  And then after school, we had our pay-day dance party and then went out to Iroquois to talk and be friends outside of the school.  It was nice.  And I’m glad that I work in such a great school district with such great kids and great teachers!

The Lion in My Life

I know that I just blogged two days ago, but I feel like I need to blog again today.

So this morning, I did NOT want to go to church.  I was really nervous about going to a new place, especially alone.  I didn’t set an alarm this morning, because I was really indecisive about going.  But I woke up at 6:45 (surprise), and I told myself that I had to go.  If I didn’t go this week, then I never would.  So I got out of bed, and got into the shower.  Even in the shower, I debated with myself.  Maybe I would just drive up to Kankakee and go to First Church, at least it would be familiar.  Or I could drive up and go with Danyne.  Or I could just go to Bourbonnais and go shopping… I just kept debating about what I was going to do.  Once again, I told myself that I had to go to the church in Donovan and  that if I didn’t go today, then I never would.  So 8:25 rolled around and I walked down to church.  And I’m so glad that I did.

When I first got to church, it was a little bit uncomfortable.  I didn’t know anyone, and people were kinda looking at me like “who are you and what are you doing here?”  But I walked into the sanctuary and the pastor greeted me and I told her that I had just moved here from Michigan and was the elementary music teacher, etc.  The school secretary, bookkeeper and some of the students were in the church, so they were all excited to see me.   Then I sat in my pew and listened to the pianist play hymns.  I’m not sure why, maybe it’s because I was brought up with my grandpa as my pastor, but I sure do love the small church feel.  I love that they sang hymns and everyone knew each other, and introduced themselves to me, welcoming me into their church family.  The pastor even introduced me to the church so that everyone would be able to know my name and that I was new in town.  And after church, there were a bunch of ladies that came up to me and said hi and talked to me about the music in the church, moving into the apartment, the new Sunday school class that starts next week, etc.  It was just nice.  It felt like home.

But aside from that, I really believe that God wanted me in that church today.  (Here’s where the blog gets a bit deep… so stop reading if you aren’t into it…)  Ever since I started interviewing for this Donovan job, I’ve had a lot of reservations.  It was too close to Olivet, I didn’t want to work with Ryan and become his minion again, I didn’t want to take over Ryan’s job (because he does a GREAT job out here).  Basically what it comes down to is that it was too close and I knew too many people.  I wanted to teach in a place where no one knew me or had preconceived notions/expectations about me.  I remember when I got called in for a second interview crying that I didn’t want this job (and if you were lucky enough to be one of the people I cried to, I’m sorry lol).  But I took the interview, and it was strange because at the school, I always felt so great about being able to work there, but when I was away from the school my mind would wander back into that insecurity I had.  I remember praying on the way home these exact words: “Alright God, if they offer me this job, I’ll take it to make everyone happy, but you had better get me another job before school starts because I DO NOT want to work here!”  But things couldn’t have worked out more opposite.

Obviously I accepted the position and I began searching for a house.  It seemed like a feat that I could never achieve.  But God provided me a house IN Donovan.  And a pretty awesome house, too!  Next I began looking for furniture.  Again, it seemed like I would be sitting, sleeping, working, and eating on the floor.  Everything was so expensive.  But lo and behold, a man in Perry was having a moving sale, and had nice furniture for pretty reasonable prices.  Everything just seemed to be working out.  And I began getting really excited about this new job.  But there was still that little voice inside me that just kept bringing up all of my insecurities.  I’ve been fortunate enough to work at a Christian campgrounds, and one of my favorite (and also most stressful) times at Indian Lake is campmeeting.  I love that we get to go to church every night together as a staff and listen to great speakers.  And I love that I have people that I work with who I can talk to and will support me as I am growing.  Anyway, God spoke to me about a lot of things this year during campmeeting, and one of those things was about my job.  I remember the speaker preaching about fear.  And I talked to my friends about it, and they were all very supportive and reassuring to me that I wouldn't be a terrible teacher, and that God had a great plan for me in Donovan.  So I finally accepted that God wanted me in Donovan, and I would be where He wanted me to be, and do whatever He wanted me to do.  And then I started getting really excited about the new part of my journey.

But lately this past week, the insecurity has risen back up in me.  And I keep having terrible thoughts about teaching here.  What if next year, when Ryan is gone, I run the program into the ground?  I’m not as good as he is, what if they hate me and I get fired?  God, I don’t want to move, but You have GOT to get me out of here by next year!  Maybe I can talk Ryan into staying and I won’t have to teach in the high school.  Quite negative stuff, really.  Today in church though, the sermon was about selling yourself short.  The scripture was Exodus 3:1-15, about Moses.  For some reason, in the past few years I have felt like Moses and I are a lot alike, so this was just another time when I felt God speaking directly to me.  Moses claimed he had no ability.  He had a stutter and was insecure about his speaking, but God used him to free the Israelites.  And this morning, God spoke to me about that.  I’ve always heard people say “God doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called” and I believe that, but sometimes it’s just hard to realize.  Our situations in life do not solely depend on our talent and abilities, but our trust in the Lord.  Don’t get me wrong, I believe wholeheartedly that you need to cultivate your talents that God has given you (Holy shoddy is still shoddy.  Amen.), but if we expect to be used completely, we need to trust him.  We are called into danger, but we aren’t called to do it alone.  God WILL go with us.  And He provides people to help us and support us in our journey if we just TRUST HIM.

The Sunday before I left home, I attended my dad’s Sunday School class.  They are reading a book right now called “In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day” by Mark Batterson.  I haven’t read too much into the book yet, but from the class’ discussion, it is a great book.  It talks about Benaiah, who one day came across a lion, and instead of running from it, he instead chased it down and killed it.  God wants us to be lion chasers.  Instead of running from the things that scare us, run after them.  Tackle them.  Make them yours.  And that’s kind of where I’m at right now with this new job.  It scares the heck out of me.  But God has called me here, and I’m going to tackle it.  Move towards it at full speed and conquer it.

 “God is in the business of strategically positioning us in the right place at the right time.”

“God is always using past experiences to prepare us for future opportunities.”

I don’t know why God brought me here to Donovan.  It is certainly not what I would have chosen for myself.  But God always has bigger plans for us than what we can see.  I’m glad He brought me here.  And I’m looking forward to conquering the challenges He has for me, and excited to see how being in Donovan plays a role in my life.

The First Week

Well, I made it through my first week of being a real teacher.  And it was fun.  For the most part.  Tiring, but fun.  I haven’t blogged in a while, so I’m just going to do a little update on what has been going on in my life since August.  It may be a long blog lol.

So the first week in August, I ended my job at the lake (which made me so sad.  I love working there, and I miss everyone a TON, but I’ll still have summers off to come back J) and I taught a band camp in Michigan.  It was such a great week up there!  I always love being able to work with Mr. Ernst because he was such a great teacher for me, and I get to observe how he maintains such a great band program.  This year was especially good for me, because Mrs. Dutcher, my fantastic elementary music teacher, was working there, too, so I spent a lot of time just picking her brain and prepping for my own classroom.  I got a lot of great advice, and it was nice to get some questions answered.  After I left band camp, April and I went to Beckah’s wedding, which was really nice.

Two days after that, Colleen, Danyne and I packed our cars and came to Illinois to move me in.  Colleen and I spent the week unpacking some of my stuff and more importantly, cleaning and decorating my classroom.  It was pretty messy to begin with.  We took everything off the shelves and wiped EVERYTHING down.  We moved the desks and cleaned out the drawers.  I cleaned out a cabinet and found a box full of rhythm instruments, which was SUPER nice, because I didn’t know that I had any instruments at all.  Then we began the fun part: decorating!  My classroom still looks a little plain, but I figure as I keep teaching, I’ll get more things to decorate with.  My parents got to my apartment with all my furniture late Thursday night, so we unpacked the truck on Friday and set up the beds, couches, etc.  They helped me unpack for the next few days.  It was really nice to have them here to help, and when they left on Sunday night, it was pretty weird.

Monday was my 23^rd birthday.  And my first year teacher mentoring day.  It was kinda like as soon as I turned 23, real life started.  Mentoring day was not as long and boring as I expected it to be.  And the teachers there knew it was my birthday and even brought a cake to help celebrate.  It was really nice.  Then Shauntia came over to my house, we went to dinner in Watseka, then I dyed her hair.  I learned that if the teaching thing doesn’t work, I can open a hair salon in my kitchen.  Tuesday, I don’t think I did anything too important.  Wednesday was the teacher institute day.  I met a lot of the teachers, and there was a lot of info that was given out.  Kinda overwhelming, but I learned a lot.

Thursday was the first day of school.  Music is in the afternoon, so I didn’t teach anything (it was a half day), but I did help in the kindergarten room in the morning and then worked on my room/lesson plans in the afternoon.

Friday was MY first day of teaching.  It went alright.  I think that everything went ok with the exception of kindergarten.  I had all my plans and everything, but they lose attention REAL quick.  And 35 minutes is a LONG time for kindergarteners.  Especially on their first FULL day of school, by the afternoon, they are pretty much done.  But I sucked it up and ended the day really well.

And this week was pretty good.  Monday and Tuesday were a little bit rough.  Not that they were bad, by any means, there were just times that could have gone better.  But by today, I felt like things were starting to finally calm down.  They tell you in all your ed classes that the first stage of being a teacher is survival mode.  And I knew that, but I never really felt like I understood exactly what they meant until this week haha.  I feel like even student teaching can’t prepare you enough for your own classroom.  Don’t get me wrong, I learned a TON while I was student teaching, but in your ST experience, you still have your teacher to help you when you are drowning.  In your own classroom, you have to fight your way back to the surface.  Kind of a weird analogy, but it works.

Anyway, I really love working out here so far.  The other teachers are so nice and helpful, and because it’s a small school, I’ve gotten to know a lot of the kids.  I love that I get hugs every morning and throughout the day as they come into music every day.  And I love that I feel like I’m actually teaching them new concepts and they are enjoying it.  And I’m not doing anything particularly difficult, either.  Just getting the instruments out gets them super excited. 

Anyway, it’s been a really great week so far, and I’m really excited for the year.   And tomorrow is my first weekend at home being a teacher.  So I’m throwing a party? Haha.  I made a bunch of food tonight, so anyone who is coming should be excited, because I’m a good cook.   I’ll try to keep everyone updated on here, but no promises as to how often that will be.

Weekend

So this weekend was a pretty darn good one.  In an unexpected way.  I went down to Olivet on Friday night for a variety of reasons... apartment shopping, signing the Donovan contract, and my favorite reason, to hear the CSO play Mahler with the boys.   O yea, and to see my sisters ;)  Anyway, I had called a couple of places earlier in the week about apartments/housing situations and finally found one that wouldn't charge me through August and was cheap and nice, too.  (Sidenote, I know that I can find an apartment in Bourbonnais, but I had really wanted to live out closer to Donovan so that I could [one] not pay a fortune of time and money driving back and forth to work everyday and [two] somewhat cut the Olivet umbellical cord.  My parents reeeeeally wanted me to live IN Donovan, but I assured them that there was NOTHING in Donovan, and the closest place was 20 minutes away.)  So I had planned to go on Saturday morning to look at this place.  The guy I talked with made it sound like it was going to be a done deal kind of thing, I just needed to call Saturday morning before I came out and then the rest would be history.

Saturday morning, I get up and dressed and call the guy at 9AM.  His wife answers the phone... "I'm really sorry, hon, but we filled it yesterday.  I'm so sorry.  Really.  Sorry."  Yep... Sure.  So I was kinda really bummed about that, but decided that I should try to look at some other apartments while I was down there.  I look on the webpage and the first listing I see (it HAD to have been listed overnight, because I checked it Friday and it was NOT there) was in Donovan.  Before I even had time to think, I was calling the number.  He said that I should just come out and see it that morning.  So, less than an hour later, I was in Donovan in this apartment.  It was really great!  2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, office, large living room, kitchen, dining area, a yard, laundry room... everything was completely renovated before the last tenant, who lived there less than a year.  Brand new appliances, new carpet, new wood laminate flooring in the kitchen, new washer and dryer, new paint, everything.  It was MORE than what I expected of it!  Anyway, I end up filling out the application and leaving Donovan praying that everything would work out.  It still was kind of a gamble simply because I don't want to pay for June and July rent when I won't be there...

Sunday was a fantastic day.  No matter what it may have seemed, I was honestly very excited to spend the day with my boys. And apparently Patrick was excited to spend the day with Ian and I because he picked me up an hour and a half earlier than expected.  So we decided to waste some time eating Rolo flurries at 10 AM, and then hanging out in the parking lot of the train station.  We rode the train to Chicago and then had lunch together at Bennigans (duh).  After lunch we went to Symphony Center and climbed allllll the way to the gallery and got our second row seats to watch their last performance of the season until Ravinia.  We were a bit excited.  And it was Mahler.  So we were really excited.  And Haitink was conducting.  So we were really, really excited.  We watched them all warm up on stage (of course I was fixed on Dale...) and I kind of had a strange realization.  I realized that I would never perform like that.  I used to go to the CSO and think "someday, that will be me... (maybe not the CSO, but something along those lines)"  and get really excited to play my horn.  This time it was different.  I have somewhat given up on that part of my life.  And I realized it.  And I got really sad.  I mean REALLY sad.  Like... crying.  A lot.  Before the concert even started.  It was the worst feeling in the world.  Then the CSO began to play.  Beginning with a beautiful horn solo, and even better solos as the piece played on.  The fourth movement was by far my favorite.  Absolutely beautiful.  I cried during that, too, but only because it was so moving to me.  After the concert got done, we went to go get on the train home and we realized we had another hour and a half to kill.  So we went to the Chicago Art Festival.  Looked at some stuff.  Expensive stuff.  Then we walked along the river for a while and just got to talk and be friends.  It was nice.  I've missed those times with them :)

This morning, I didn't really have any plans other than to go sign some papers for Donovan.  I don't really know why I was expecting it to be a quick trip, because there was a LOT of stuff to go through and sign.  I literally sat and signed papers for an hour.  Yikes.  It was good though.  I learned a lot about the stuff I have to do, and even learned that I was getting paid almost $1000 more than I had been budgeting for.  Good news!  THEN I had to go get fingerprinted.  In the county jail.  I had never been in a jail before, and I NEVER want to be in one again.  It was just soooo.... I don't know.  Something I am glad I have not had the pleasure of experiencing before.  Anyway, did the fingerprinting and returned the paperwork back to Donovan and began the long drive home.  I realized that I love country roads in Illinois.  No cars, no hills, no turns, no speed limit ;) haha.  As soon as I got on 65, I get a call from the guy who owns the apartment.  We talked for a little bit and he was really nice.  Went to Michigan State, and was glad I was a teacher and all that stuff... he offered me the apartment.  And he even brought up the moving in August thing... "Here's what I can do... I won't charge you rent until August with the condition that the deposit is paid at the contract signing, and if you back out, its non refundable"  Um... yes please!  I don't have to pay the next two months, and I only lose if I back out?  I'm NOT backing out. So I can do that!  I told him I would take it and he said he would email me the contract.   I now am fully employed and have the apartment!  Full nights sleep... here I come!!!

Anyway, God really showed his provision for me this weekend.  First in getting me this job, and then in finding sucha great apartment.  I was really unsure about some of my life's decisions I had been making, but now I can see that this is where God wants me to be.  It has to be.  He would not have allowed things to work out this smoothly if it weren't where I were supposed to be.  I don't know WHY He wants me here, but I have a peace about taking this job.  Am I nervous?  Of course!  But I know that its where I am supposed to be, and if I have learned anything in the past 6 months, its to trust that God's plans are bigger than what we can see ourselves.

sex ruins everything.

yes.  it does.  when you have sex outside of marriage, it. ruins. EVERYTHING! and not just intercourse, but fooling around, too!  i don't care who you are or how much you think it won't affect you.  it does.  and it affects other people, too.  Seriously, I don't know how people can live like this and think it doesn't affect them.  if i think about what it would be like to have a loving spouse (or even a fiance, because you really should know these things BEFORE you tie the knot), fully committed to me, and to have to tell them that i slept with someone, or fooled around with someone, or whatever... that would KILL me to have to tell them.  and from the opposite side, if i had to hear that my fiance had done this kind of stuff with someone else, it would seriously ruin everything.  i think every time we even kissed from that point on, in the back of my mind, all i would be able to think about is how someone else had part of what was meant for me.  what was supposed to be mine and mine alone.  i know that forgiveness is supposed to happen, and i believe that you can forgive a person for these things.  however, people don't forget stuff.  and it creates distance and space in a relationship that is supposed to be an unbreakable, united, HOLY union.  I just wish people could see the full spectrum of consequences to their actions before they decided to "live in the moment."  Yea, you might be living in the moment now, but that one moment is going to follow you for the rest of your life.  Wouldn't you rather live in the moment with a person that you know will love you forever and that will always be there for you, and that only experiences sex with YOU?  Because then you don't have to think about the others.  You could focus on the one person that God gave to you.  As a GIFT.

I know I would...

My second thought for this blog is a little bit more personal (sorry).  Lately, I've been hearing a LOT of stories about people's actions with sex (outside of marriage), alcohol and other things that I have always considered to be not welcome in my life.  It seems that EVERYONE has made poor choices concerning these issues, and I have recently realized how sheltered I truly am from these kinds of things.  I literally have NO past with any of that stuff.  And satan really started making me question my decision to abstain from all this.  I mean... I'm 21 now, so what if I were to drink a little?  I could totally handle it.  Even the best of people drink sometimes, right?  And what about the whole dating thing?  It doesn't really matter if I date around while waiting for God's best, right?  What if my standards in finding a guy really are too high?  Is there a guy out there that has remained pure?  Is there someone that doesn't drink?...... And a lot of other similar type thoughts were rolling around in my head.  And this weekend, I just have had enough.  I KNOW that I dont need to experience these things to fit in with the people who have experienced them.  God can use me WITHOUT a checkered past.  I don't need to be stained by the world.  And as far as finding a husband when my standards are "ridiculously high and irrational?"  God placed these standards in my heart as a young girl, and I KNOW that there IS someone that holds to the same faith and values and standards and beliefs that I do.  If there isn't, then I don't need to be dating/marrying anyone anyways, because anyone less would just be bringing me down.


Anyway.... DON'T HAVE SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE!!!!  Think about the consequences.

Today was a GREAT day!

If I were in a Dr. Bell class, my “good things” for today would be the following:

1. Got to see my grandma Pat
2. Got a job offer
3. Accepted the job offer
4. Completed my teacher certification in Illinois
5. Finally unpacked all my stuff…
6. Made the parents “so proud”
7. BEAUTIFUL drive to Indian Lake
8. Listened to Grandma Helen play the piano
9. Had a nice talk with Grandpa George

And tonight… hopefully will be the first of many GOOD night’s sleep!

I am so blessed :)

 

My Wish

So my whole life, I’ve been the type of person that wants everyone I love to be in one place.  I remember as a five year old in kindergarten being asked if I could have one wish granted, what would it be?  My response:  that my grandma and grandpa and uncles and aunts and cousins from Charlevoix AND Perry could all live in a giant dome together with me and I would never have to be without one or the other.  I wanted nothing more than for us to be together all the time.  And tonight, as a 22 year old college graduate, I find myself wishing for the same thing.  I want all of my family from Perry and Charlevoix and Indian Lake and Bourbonnais to all be in one place (and yes, you know who you are that I consider family J).

As I drove home on Sunday morning after graduation, I found myself crying as I got on the entrance ramp.  It just hit me that I wouldn’t be coming back.  It was the last time I would make that drive home (with everything I own) for the summer.  I mean, I know I will see my friends again, but it will be very different.  It sounds so cliché, but that is how it is.  And it really sucks to think about.  Anyway, I don’t even really know why I’m writing this, other than I’m sad and I want my family in one place.

I miss you!