So just in case you didn’t know… BWS is done, HOORAY!!! And Gallimaufry was the title of band winter showcase this year. It means a random jumble or hodgepodge of things. And that’s pretty much what this blog is going to be. A random jumble. I’ve got a lot of things on my brain, and it’s going to come up like word vomit. In my study hall today, I literally made a list of the things I wanted to write about. So… Here’s to a great BWS year, and here’s to this blog! Hope you enjoy. J
Topic number one (and two… they kind of go together): Student teaching (and BWS) – So student teaching has been one of the biggest blessings in my life this semester. I have learned so much and feel like I’ve become more of a capable, functioning adult. I know I’m still going to Olivet, but in reality, I’m really not. I work full time and am a professional (influencing lives). I know that I will be able to survive outside of Olivet (because I kind of am right now), and being in the classroom makes me excited for my own. I also have been shockingly surprised at how much teaching has been a blessing throughout BWS season. I got so much crap from people last year when I decided to run for band president again. Everyone told me how hard it was going to be and that I was going to die from exhaustion, and all this other stuff. Coming into the semester, I’ll admit, I was a bit scared. My mind kept going to those places telling me that I wasn’t going to make it and that I made a bad decision and all these other things. (side note: I really hate when the devil uses our insecurities against us. I KNOW that God told me last year that I would be capable of doing the job, but sometimes it just takes one little bit of doubt for the devil to creep in and infiltrate our minds with things that just don’t belong!) Anyway, being the extremely stubborn and strong willed person that I am (and trust me, we will get to that later!), I refused to admit defeat. To ANYONE. But being at school was the best thing that could have happened because it actually caused me to worry less about BWS. When I was at school, my mind was completely focused on my teaching. I was able to immerse myself in what I was doing. If I was at Olivet running this show, all I would sit in Larsen all day thinking about what needed to get done and how I was going to make it happen. I would probably spend so much time running around trying to do everything myself and then try to hang out with my friends and then not do stuff. But this year, that didn’t happen. I would use my 8th hour study hall and just make lists of things that needed to get done. Then, I’d go home and do them. Much more efficient! PS. Shout out to Danyne and Rebeckah, you are both VERY appreciated!!!!
I also want to make a good note about how God always plans ahead. I was SOOOOO thankful that we had two snow days this week. I think it helped a lot to reduce my stress level (and increase them in other ways, but whatever). I was able to not have to stay up late and wake up early for this show which was AMAZING!! God always gives us help when we ask for it. And I think that snow days were his form of relief for me this week. Along with the snow days came some grief though. I learned that college kids are whinier than jr. highers! Not cool. I got so much crap for having rehearsals on a snow day. But honestly, I think that it was good for us. Just because life decides to send a storm doesn’t mean that we can abandon our responsibilities. We still have things that have to get done. If we didn’t have rehearsals during those snow days, we would have had 3 runthroughs, 3 days off and then the shows. Yikes! That would not have worked out for anyone! It would have been awful. But I learned that I can make decisions in the face of opposition, and it actually worked out well. The show was great! And I think that if people really take the time to look back on it, they would be glad that we DID go through with rehearsals.
There have also been a lot of moral/ethical/religious topics that I have been dealing with the past two weeks, as well. First is our choices we make. I already kind of talked about making hard decisions, but I think that this is different. Sometimes I just do not understand people. They choose to live in ways that are simply NOT good. People always get upset and say that this kind of thing is really a religious conversation, but take religion out of it for a second. ANY PERSON can see that sometimes choices are simply not good. They often endure the pain that making poor choices causes and just blame it on whatever excuse they can find. NO! This pain that they feel is SIN. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve been able to see just how awful and ugly sin really is. And then what really hurts me is when people make mistakes (we all do, and that’s ok. It’s a part of life) and they DON’T learn from them. They fall and hit rock bottom and clearly are in agony over whatever part of their life they just messed up, but then they get right back up and keep making the same mistakes. It’s like they are addicted to the pain. Wait. Stop. They are addicted to the good feeling and then regret it later. I’ve thought about this before. It’s like a drug. People know they are bad for you and they always want to quit, but for some reason the high they feel when they are on the drug is much more enticing than the consequences. Regardless of the risks and the regret and the pain it causes later, the high is worth more to them. I think people need to think more long term before making decisions. It’s not easy, but well worth it in the end. My mom always used to tell me before I went to school each day (and still tells me) “Always make good choices, Brittany. I love you.” I’m so thankful for parents who instilled good values in me and raised me to live for a Higher Purpose. I’m so glad that [for the most part] I have always been able to think long term before I make decisions. It has been a life saver in many ways.
Another thing I’ve really been struggling with is regret. I’m generally not the type of person to regret things. I always have thought that things happen for a reason and if we make bad decisions, we should learn from them and keep going. However, this past month, I really have been dealing a lot with regret. I’ve been trying really hard to keep going and think about what I’ve learned from the situation, but sometimes, it’s really difficult to see the good outcome of a situation. It’s is also really difficult to be able to forgive yourself. But I have done a lot of thinking and I’ve come to the conclusion that sometimes the best decision is to simply let go. As much as it hurts (for some reason, holding on always seems like it hurts less), giving up is the best option. Now, I am in no way an advocate of giving up or quitting when times get hard, but after a while, it just gets to be too much to bear, so you have to. For your own sanity. I’ve always been the type of person to take on other people’s problems. Sometimes, it hurts me more then it hurts them. Every time a situation gets too much, I’ll usually end up breaking down crying to my mom and she always says the same thing: “Brittany, when you get to heaven, God isn’t going to ask you what they did, but rather what YOU did. Just make sure that your actions are in line with what God wants you to be doing.” And then she usually follows it with the make good choices quote (I guess today is the mom quote day lol). Anyway, she is right, and I’ve had to keep that in mind a lot in the past month. It’s really difficult, but we can’t force people to learn. We can try and try and try, but people really have to learn for themselves. And sometimes, it’s just better if we leave it alone and let them learn on their own. It sucks, but its true.
Anyway, this blog is far too long. I’ve been trying to finish writing it for 3 days. But I feel like I need to end with a quote from Kenneth on one of my new favorite shows, 30 Rock.
“There is always a right choice, but it is not always an easy one.” Think about that for the next week (or three) until I write again J
